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  Mummy’s lips are pressed together tight so I can’t actually see them. I press my lips tight too and touch my finger to my mouth to see if I’ve also hided my lips away and I can’t feel them at all but I can feel my teeth through my skin.

  Mummy says, ‘We live in a smoke-free home. I don’t smoke.’

  I giggle and say, ‘That’s silly! Mummies don’t smoke. Only fires make smoke.’

  Mummy wrinkles up her forehead at me. But that’s right, isn’t it? Smoke doesn’t come out of people! I look at Mummy and then I look at the man but they’re not laughing. I think Mummy’s too busy pushing Toby’s hand away from her dangly earring and now Toby’s giggling cos he thinks Mummy’s playing a game with him.

  Mummy says, ‘I really want someone to check him over today.’

  The man says, ‘I’m sorry, but there are no routine appointments left for today. Obviously, if you become worried or your son becomes distressed, you can phone up for an emergency appointment at any time.’

  Mummy says, ‘I am worried, right now! And he is distressed, right now!’

  Toby claps his hands and reaches for Mummy’s earring and he’s still giggling and I say, ‘What does distressed mean, Mummy?’

  Mummy spins round and her eyes are scary-wide. ‘Jesika, will you just go and play with the toys. NOW!’

  I step backwards away from Mummy’s scary, shouty face and my back bumps against Toby’s buggy and it falls over backwards and lands on the washing bags. Mummy shouts, ‘Oh, for God’s SAKE!’ And she’s pushing past me and picking up the buggy and fighting with the bags with the hand that’s not holding Toby and Toby’s head is dangling right down and now he’s crying, not giggling, and my eyes are stingy and I say, ‘Sorry, Mummy, sorry!’

  Mummy turns the buggy round so the handles are against the wall and she crouches down, still holding Toby, but he’s the right way up now, and she wobbles and has to put her hand out onto Toby’s buggy cos she almost falls over and she says, ‘Just go and play with the Lego, please. That would really help me.’

  I do want to help Mummy so I walk over to the Lego table. There’s a girl already sitting on my fayvrit green chair. I sit on the blue chair. I don’t want to play Lego. I want to cuddle with Mummy.

  The girl on the green chair holds out a red brick and says, ‘Here you go,’ and a lady next to her says, ‘That’s so kind, Leila. Are you trying to cheer the little girl up?’ The girl called Leila nods and smiles and she puts the red brick down in front of me and then she gives me a blue one and a green one and a black one and a yellow one and it’s making a big pile so I stick them together but I don’t know what I’m making. I don’t want to make a princess tower or a rocket. Leila gives me another brick. Oh! It’s got eyes on it! Now I know what to do! I build lots of bricks up tall and tall and put the brick with the eyes right on top and it’s not a princess tower or a rocket, it’s a giraffe!

  I shout to Mummy, ‘Look, Mummy, I made a giraffe!’ but she doesn’t look. She’s talking to a lady ahind the table now. I don’t know where the man’s gone.

  Leila’s Mummy says, ‘That’s a very nice giraffe.’

  I say, ‘I’m not saying it to you,’ and I hide my face and turn away from her and I pretend my giraffe is walking next to a lake, cos there’s a bit in the middle of the Lego table where all the bricks are that’s just like a lake. I tell my giraffe he has to watch out for the crocodiles that are hiding in the lake cos they’re mean and snappy today.

  Giraffe says he’s hungry so I pick out lots of bricks and I make a yellow banana tree and a red strawberry tree and a blue water tree, so he can have a drink, and a green leaf tree. Giraffe walks atween all the trees and nibbles each one but he likes the green one best of all cos giraffes like eating leaves. He eats up all the leaves and I have to make him another green tree cos he’s so hungry.

  ‘Jesika, come on, we have to go!’

  I look over and Mummy’s waving her hand at me to tell me to hurry up and come to where she is but I have to finish up making the green leaf tree or Giraffe will be hungry. Giraffe says his green leaves are delicious.

  ‘Jesika! Now!’

  Mummy’s right next to me and she grabs my hand and pulls hard and Giraffe falls onto the floor and breaks into a million-thousand pieces and I shout, ‘Mummy, Giraffe! Giraffe’s all broken!’ But Mummy’s pulling and pulling and now we’re at Toby’s buggy and Toby is crying and pushing himself against his buggy straps and Mummy’s rushing us through the door to outside and I’m crying and trying to go back cos I have to fix Giraffe and it’s not fair.

  ‘ENOUGH, Jesika!’

  Mummy’s voice is loud in my ears and her face is like a scary monster pushed up close to mine. I stop crying and stop pulling Mummy’s hand. I didn’t know Mummy could make her face like a monster. I don’t like it.

  Mummy covers her face with her hands and when she takes them away again the monster’s not there any more. She stands up and blows out a breath and says, ‘Hand on the buggy, Jesika.’ And I hold the buggy and we’re whizzing and whizzing all the way up the busy street. I hope someone else fixes poor Giraffe.

  Mummy bends down and pulls all the clothes out of the washing machine into a big basket and squeezes past Shiny-Head Man, who’s putting his clothes into another washing machine, and Not-Smiley Lady, who’s pulling all her clothes back out, and Mummy takes the basket over to one of the drying machines and pushes all the clothes into it and I say, ‘Why did you forget my colouring book and my pens, Mummy?’

  Mummy slams the drying machine door, BANG, like Nandini the Boss Lady showed her to, and she puts the pennies into the penny hole and pushes them in and the drying machine whooshes round and she says, ‘Jesika, if you ask me that one more time, I’m going to scream. I just forgot, OK?’

  Shiny-Head Man says, ‘Don’t you be giving your mum a hard time,’ and his face is frowny like he’s cross and his shiny head goes all wrinkly but then he smiles and winks his eye to me so I don’t think he’s actually cross and maybe he might play a game with me cos he does that sometimes.

  I whisper to Mummy, ‘Can I play with Shiny-Head Man?’ cept then he opens the door and walks outside and stands next to Nandini.

  Mummy says, ‘He’s called Leon, remember? Why don’t you play peekaboo with Toby again,’ and she pulls more clothes out of the other washing machine into the basket.

  I say, ‘I’m hungry.’

  Mummy says, ‘No, you’re not. You’re bored.’

  I say, ‘I’m hungry. Can I have another banana?’

  Mummy says, ‘No, I only brought one banana each. We’ll have some lunch when we get home.’

  I say, ‘Did you forget to bring more food too?’

  Mummy stands up fast and says, ‘Jesika, go and play with Toby,’ and she takes the basket over to another dryer.

  I run round to where Toby is in his buggy and I laugh. ‘I can’t play with Toby. He’s asleep!’

  Mummy drops the basket at the dryer and rushes round to where I am and she says, ‘No, Toby! Don’t sleep now! I need you to sleep later, not now!’ And she crouches down and she’s stroking his cheek and tapping his chest and waving his hands up and down for him saying, ‘Wake up, Toby! Wakey-wakey!’ But Toby’s not even moving his eyelids and Mummy always says that she knows when he’s proply asleep cos he doesn’t move his eyelids.

  I say, ‘I think he’s really, really asleep!’ Mummy wipes one of her hands down her face and blows out a big breath and says, ‘Yep. Perfect.’

  Perfect is good and I smile and say, ‘Yes, that’s perfect.’

  Mummy goes back to the dryer but Not-Smiley Lady is putting her clothes into it and Mummy says, ‘Excuse me, but I’m using that dryer,’ and Not-Smiley Lady says, ‘Doesn’t look like it, pet.’

  Mummy says, ‘I left my basket right there. I was just coming back to put the washing in.’

  Not-Smiley Lady lifts her shoulders up and down and slams the door, BANG!

  Mummy says, ‘I really need that d
ryer.’

  Not-Smiley Lady puts her pennies in the penny hole and says, ‘Not my problem, pet.’ And then she walks outside and stands with Nandini and Leon.

  Mummy picks up her basket and brings it back over to Toby’s buggy and starts putting all the wet clothes into the big washing bag.

  I say, ‘What are you doing, Mummy?’

  Mummy presses her lips tight and then says, ‘We’ve got to get home and get some lunch and get you to preschool. We haven’t got time to wait for another dryer.’

  I say, ‘You should’ve told the lady about Nandini’s taking turns rule.’

  Mummy says, ‘Too many battles today, Jesika.’

  I say, ‘What battles?’ and then I hear jingle-jingle-jingle ahind me and it sounds like lots of teeny-tiny Tinkerbells but I know it’s really Nandini and she’s come back in and she’s trying to creep up and say, ‘BOO!’ but she can’t trick me cos I can hear all her jingly bracelets that go all up her arms and she can’t ever never stop them making noises, only if she stands like a statue. I wait and wait til she’s really very near and then I jump off the bench and whizz round and shout, ‘BOO!’ afore Nandini can say it and she jumps back with her hands pressed tight against her chest and her mouth wide-wide-open like she’s proply scared and I laugh and laugh and so does Nandini.

  Nandini says, ‘Anything to report, Boss?’

  I say, ‘Mummy got to the drying machine afore that lady outside but she wouldn’t let Mummy put her clothes in,’ and Mummy says, ‘Jesika, it’s not really …’ and Nandini says, ‘Oh, she did, did she?’ and I say, ‘Yes, and now Mummy has to come back and dry all those wet clothes later cos we’ve got to go home and get lunch afore I’m late for preschool and Mummy only brought us one banana each, and I’m really hungry,’ and Mummy shakes her head quick and says, ‘Jesika, you’re not hungry, you’re bored and I’m sure Nandini doesn’t—’

  But Mummy stops talking and she’s staring at Nandini cos Nandini has lifted the bag of wet things off the back of Toby’s buggy and she says, ‘Is this the wet stuff?’ And Mummy’s mouth is open but she’s not saying anything so I say, ‘Yes,’ and Nandini says, ‘Come on, then, I’ve got a machine out the back we can pop it in.’ And she walks through to the back with the bag of wet things to the machines that only Nandini is allowed to use, though sometimes she lets Emma use them too when Emma’s helping cos the shop is Nandini’s and Emma’s.

  Mummy doesn’t move, cept to push both her hands through her hair and then press them against her face. She says, ‘I wish you hadn’t told her that, Jesika. I wasn’t going to make a fuss, and now …’

  Nandini pops her head back round the corner and she’s taken off her zippy top so I can see her black T-shirt with the white scribbles all over it and she says, ‘Come on, then! Don’t be shy. And bring Sleeping Beauty with you, too.’ She waves her hand and goes away again.

  I look all around and say, ‘Where’s Sleeping Beauty?’ and then I laugh and I say, ‘Oh, she means Toby cos he’s fast asleep.’ But Mummy’s not laughing at Nandini’s joke. Her face is frowny like there’s something wrong.

  Mummy pushes Toby, still asleep in his buggy. Nandini waves us past the washing machines and the drying machines and right through and right through til we’re in a little room where there’s another drying machine and a table and chairs and two doors and a sink and a cooker and wooden cupboards on the floor and on the wall, and one that reaches all the way from the floor up to the ceiling. I didn’t know that washing machine shops had kitchens!

  Our bag of wet things is on the floor next to the drying machine and Nandini is pulling it all out of the bag and pushing it into the machine and this machine doesn’t have a pennies hole, Nandini just shuts the door and twists a big button and presses another button and it swooshes, round and round.

  Mummy says, ‘You really didn’t have to …’ and Nandini says, ‘Nonsense.’ She stands up and pushes her hand into her hair and all the stripes get mixed up.

  I say, ‘Your hair, Nandini!’

  Nandini shakes her hair and all the stripes go back to the right places and she says, ‘Better?’ and I say, ‘Now it looks like a bumblebee again,’ and Nandini laughs and pulls two chairs out at the table. ‘Sit yourself down, both of you,’ and she says, ‘I’ve got bread and butter and stuff. Why not save yourself the trip home?’ She opens up a cupboard and stands on a little step and stretches up high and her scribbly T-shirt stretches up too so I can see her belly button and there’s something sparkly right in the middle of it but her T-shirt goes back down and I can’t see and Nandini is holding a packet of bread and it remembers me that she said bread and butter afore.

  I say, ‘Are we having some bread and butter? I’m really hungry.’

  Mummy says, ‘Jesika, you’re not …’

  Nandini says, ‘Tina, let me do this for you.’ Then she smiles at me and says, ‘Do you like jam sandwiches?’ and she’s holding a jar of jam and my eyes go wide and wide and I’m smiling so big cos I’ve never had jam on a sandwich afore, only jam on toast, and I look at Mummy and say, ‘Can I, Mummy? Please?’ Mummy’s resting her head on one of her hands and I think she’s saying no cos she’s shaking her head and then she says, Yeah, why not? and I don’t know if that means yes or no and I say, ‘Please?’ and Mummy says, ‘Yes, Jesika. Yes.’

  I dance about and say, ‘Yeah, yeah, yeah!’ and Nandini laughs and all her bracelets jingle.

  Mummy and Nandini are drinking hot tea and I’m munching on my jam sandwich and swinging my legs and the sandwich is yummy.

  I say, ‘You never make jam sandwiches, Mummy.’

  Mummy says, ‘You never ask for them.’

  I say, ‘I want jam sandwiches every day.’

  Mummy laughs and Nandini laughs and says, ‘Not every day, Boss.’

  I say, ‘Why not?’

  Nandini says, ‘Not good for these,’ and she taps her teeth with her fingernail and it makes a clicky sound.

  Mummy says, ‘You can’t spoil a child with love but you can rot their teeth with sugar.’

  I say, ‘What does that mean, Mummy?’ and Mummy’s face goes sad and she says, ‘Just something your Bab-bab used to say,’ and now I know why Mummy’s face is sad cos we can’t ever never see Bab-bab again and that’s always sad. Mummy blows out a breath and rubs her hands over her face and Nandini says, ‘You need some time off. Some time to yourself.’

  Mummy says, ‘I can’t …’ and she shakes her head.

  Nandini says, ‘Isn’t there someone who can help? Family? Friends? What about their …’ Nandini nods her head to the side and her eyebrows jump up and down and I giggle cos it looks funny.

  Mummy doesn’t laugh. She says, ‘Not interested. And I don’t have the energy to keep chasing him.’

  Nandini says, ‘Sorry, I don’t mean to be nosy.’

  Mummy says, ‘It’s OK. I seem to have a knack for losing people.’ And she presses her lips together tight and lifts her shoulders up and down fast.

  I say, ‘Who did you lose, Mummy?’

  The door at the back bangs open and cold air whooshes in and blows some pieces of paper onto the floor and Toby’s eyes go wide-open-awake, staring right at me, then he closes them and goes back to sleep afore Mummy and Nandini have even noticed he waked up and that’s cos Mummy and Nandini are picking up all the pieces of paper on the floor. And there’s someone else helping too but I can’t see who it is cos Mummy’s head is in the way and then the person stands up and it’s Emma and she stares at me and I look away cos I don’t like Emma staring cos she’s a not-smiley person and sometimes she has a bitey voice.

  Nandini says, ‘Sorted?’

  Emma says, ‘Loose screw.’

  Nandini says, ‘Kettle’s just boiled if you want a brew,’ and Emma says something but it doesn’t sound like proper words. She goes to the kettle and she takes a mug out of the cupboard and she didn’t even have to stand on the step or stretch like Nandini cos Emma’s big like a giant. She’s the most
biggest person of everybody. And her hair’s big too. It sticks out all over her head like Mr Messy on the wall at preschool.

  Mummy pushes her chair back and says, ‘We better get going …’

  Nandini says, ‘Don’t be daft. You’ve got ages yet. Finish your tea. Jesika, would you like another sandwich?’ and I’m about to say, ‘Yes, please!’ but then Toby starts coughing and his eyes fling open and then he’s coughing and coughing and coughing and Emma turns round and says, ‘That sounds nasty.’

  Nandini says, ‘Can you believe the practice cancelled her appointment, just because she was a few minutes late? Some ridiculous new policy. And she’s not well herself.’

  Emma’s face is frowny and then she says lots of things to Mummy about breathing and sleeping and eating and lots of words I don’t know and Mummy just says yes or no afore Emma says something else and then Emma says, ‘I’ll have a listen to his chest.’

  Emma goes ahind me and I look round and she’s opened a door and I can see a bit of a sofa and some stairs going up and she says, ‘Bring him through here. It’s quieter.’ And she’s gone.

  Mummy says, ‘Oh …’ and Nandini says, ‘Go on, let her put your mind at rest.’

  Mummy stands up and pushes Toby through the door and the door closes and then it’s just me and Nandini.

  Nandini says, ‘Right. Another jam sandwich, Jesika?’

  I eat up the jam sandwich I’ve already got and then I eat up the one that Nandini makes and then she makes me another one and then says she has to do a quick job for Mummy and she goes away to the front of the shop and I sit and eat and eat and I finish the jam sandwich and my belly feels all full up and I love jam sandwiches and I want to have jam sandwiches every day!

  Nandini comes back and she’s carrying Mummy’s other washing bag and I say, ‘If you were my Mummy, I could have jam sandwiches every day!’

  ‘I’m just the wicked witch who says no all the time!’

  Nandini’s head turns quick and her hand rushes up to her mouth and she says, ‘Oh, Tina, she didn’t mean it like that!’ and I look ahind me and Mummy and Toby and Emma are back in the room and Mummy’s lips are pressed tight and tight like she’s so cross but I don’t know what she’s cross about.